In my nothingness I find something of the purest. Spit rhymes on dope lines, but niggas still judge like they jurist. I’m on some new ish. Me and my homies out here hooping, making these proverbial nets swish. 24k bars, my words flow lavish. Indulge in my rhetoric like a compulsive habit. I’m a havoc with a habit of putting lames in a casket and tell their loved ones to “get over the emotional baggage”. West Indian savage with an intelligence that’s far above average, an angry genius that’s trapped in his own madness. Read your mind like I’m telepathic and show you a new globe like my name was Atlas. Don’t make me shrug cause I’ll shake your whole world kid. Cold, like Sabre cats. Men calling women ho’s like they thundercats. Mind’s spacey, but I’m jamming like I’m bringing Jordan back. Smooth pimping on tracks like I rolled up in a Cadillac, going cross eyed when I rap like I got cataracts.
Go into your nothingness to find something beautiful. Then bring it back to the surface for the world to see
The first father’s day where I’m not bitter or resentful of my Dad…. it feels great
- Mom: Shawn put on a shirt
- Me: I know, I know.. you can't handle the perfection of which you have created. Well I say look mother.. LOOK. AT. ME!!!! You created this beautiful marvel of art! *cue Zoolander's Magma*
- Mom: *confused*
- Me: *Runway walks* I shall go fetch my shirt.
- Stepdad: I built that table I bought for you.
- Mom: Man, stop ya lies, boy. You ain't built that, I built that
- Stepdad: I built that liqour stand
- Me: *snickers* Y'all ain't got nothing better to do aye?
I hate when I’m oblivious to stuff, and then I realize that its probably too late. I had something so good and it was exactly what I wanted. I hate missed chances of risks that I want to take.
With all these mental health disorders it’s so hard to tell who’s mentally healthy and who’s not. Whether if you’re mentally stable or not. You don’t know if you’re happy cause you’re manic, or sad because you’re depressed. I just wish there wasn’t such a stigma on getting checked out for mental health. I wish society was more understanding to those who just don’t understand if certain thoughts are healthy or bad. Or how to acknowledge and channel emotions properly. There’s so much pressure for people to be “evened out” or mellow that that expectation with in itself can drive someone to go crazy.
Short Stories (hopefully)
People nowadays are quick to write you off or label you as something without fully giving you a chance to show your true worth in this world. It’s demoralizing and ignorant if you ask me. You mean to tell me that the person who just likes to have spontaneous fun is “childish”? Or the person who gets corrected all the time but learns from those correction is an idiot (which, by the way, an idiot is simply “one who doesn’t have the ability to learn”)? I’ve met some bright and intelligent people over some years that others have deemed unworthy or unfit by society. They’re mindset is seen as radical, and I do admit they are but I mean it in the greatest of praise. Radical in the sense that they are innovative instead of threatening. What people who label don’t understand is that there are some who simply haven’t unlocked a way to express their minds as easily as others. They never stopped to think that other’s minds are a bit more complex than others. For example, in person, I’m either one of two things. Either awkward and bashful or hyperactive and goofy (with a hint of sarcastic). I have a hard time explaining the thoughts and ideas in my head through speech (partly because the speed of my mind does not match that of my speech, causing me to misspeak frequently). But, and even my own mum notices this, when I write its a more fluid (and advanced) translation of my head. I found it quite odd to explain, but I’ve met people who are just like me but have different mediums. Some can paint a landscape better than telling you what they saw, sometimes even invoking the very emotion that they’ve experienced at that moment. The list goes on. I wouldn’t go as far as calling them geniuses for the simple fact that we all have the potential to be genius. Lets not forget that Albert Einstein was considered an idiot by many before he found his one thing that best translated his mind. All I’m saying is, give people a chance to open up and show you something their good at before you construct some type of label on them. Labels only diminish confidence and makes it harder for us as humans to excel.
One of the moments I am looking forward to in my life is taking the woman I love to my home country. I was talking to a friend the other day, and we both expressed how that moment will be the scariest and the most fun in our lives. We were saying how we just can’t bring anyone back with us, and how they’re going to have to handle us freaking out about introducing our families. Personally, I’m more scared about how my family will react rather than my significant other. Knowing my family, they don’t hold back.. At all. One in particular, my uncle. I think I get my vulgarity from him, but he’s on another level. But other than that, I’m more excited for that person to see a side of me that they’ll only get to see when I’m back home. Experience life how I did. Eat at my favorite spots, swim at my favorite beaches, see some of the spots where I have my fondest memories (and hear the stories behind them.. Probably from my family.. Which will be embarrassing). It’ll be nice to bring an outsider in, and show them my culture.
You just know a phenomenal woman when you see one. I’ve had to pleasure of meeting many females my age and yet only one stands out to me. With that being said, what makes a phenomenal woman? She’s poised, elegant, independent, and knows how to love herself first and those around her. She takes no shit. Us men are powerless to a phenomenal woman’s presence. For example, I’m shy initially but once you break the ice, I’ll find common ground and talk your head off (due to the fact that I have this thing were I connect random subject together some how). Now a man like me can hold a conversation, but in the presence of a phenomenal woman, he just doesn’t know what to say. And even if he figures out that there is common ground, he still doesn’t know what to say. She just has this aura that you admire from a far and never forget. His friends may not see why he’s so fascinated by her, but he doesn’t care cause he knows that’s what he wants.So why doesn’t he approach her, you ask? He’ll think that he’s not deserving of her, he has growing up to do and wants to be right for her when he does make his approach. But he notices her, listens to her when she speaks, and is constantly amazed. He is constantly inspired by her. That one phenomenal woman just can’t be replaced to him.
Sometimes… The most messed up people have the most sound advice, but need the most help theirselves. Empathy is something they give, but not something they get.
Flows been precocious since I rocked Osh-kosh if you ain’t notice. I can talk about how I invent swag, but thats as old as Kanye’s sample of Otis. I got Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasies that I can’t a Ford cause I lost Focus. Confessions in a Diablo, praying for mercy in a largo while sipping Pina Coladas in Key Largo. Acidic nature in my flow, so these basics won’t get it though. I’m on a different pH, so I gotta keep it on the low. Fo’ sho, I’m legendary like Ho ho, in love with that rose gold, the name’s the one and only solo, hipster girls love me more than froyo. Electric, I’m alternating currents and direct if you want it. If I got it, I don’t flaunt, thats how the one up goes to the opponents. This that back pack rap that I spit only on boom bap traps. Sit back, let my mind click clack, I’m bussing at everyone’s snapbacks. I’ll merk a track, remix that track, then call it suicidal. I’m a rough rider, I’ll DM all your ex. Give them my number and snapshot all their Goodmorning text. My flows more bio-hazardous than anthrax. A serial killer in my rhetoric and my syntax.
One of my biggest flaws: I’m too ambitious. I think/worry about things way ahead of time when I really should focus on the present. I swear I do that with every new thing that comes into my life. No wonder I lose interest in things so quickly.
So my friend Dede (hold Dexter’s Lab jokes til the end, thank you) wanted me to come visit her school today. Let me shed some light about this chick, she’s an aspiring graphic design artist that has a whole lot of potential, and a dear friend of mine. We always have conversations about the super crazy ideas that we have, so to say that she knows my artistic side is more than a fact. Anyway, so the school that Dede goes to is this arts school thats not too far from my high school. I’ve always been curious as to what it has to offer but never really had a tour of the school. As Dede showed me around, it was like freaking Narnia of digital art! I mean you have animators, audio engineers, film students, graphic designers and photographers. EVERYTHING YOU CAN IMAGINE IS AT THE DISPOSAL OF THE STUDENTS! I was in a stupor of wonder as I drooled over all of the things these materials and resources that this school had to offer. I’ve always felt as though going to a traditional university stifled my creativity. Being around people who’s mind doesn’t operate quite like mine gets tiresome. Yes, I write well, but my talents aren’t limited to just words. The way I see the world is.. it’s just… mad. That’s just the only way I can describe it. I’m literally mad with creativity. Within minutes of meeting people on the campus we were spewing out ideas (mostly me) at random. Talking about how we can create image irony in a photograph, how this could enhance their product, etc. It was beautiful. Plus it also helped that most of the kids there were like me, high school rejects who were THE biggest nerds and dorks you can ever meet. I felt at home and at ease for once. People actually got my references and weren’t offended by my jokes, like they understand. I had already planned on taking time off from NCSU and coming back to be finished. But honestly, the idea of earning a degree in something that I have an interest in now seems more appealing than finishing a creative writing degree (like I said, I am WAY more than just a fellow who’s nifty with words). I won’t be too rash though, I’m still looking over some things. But the oppurtunities that this school offers (Dede gave me some insight on some of the secondary characteristics that they teach such as self branding and marketing) is too good to pass up. I’m really excited. I really feel as though this might be the environment that I was searching for all this time.